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Julius Kelp is an ugly chemistry teacher with no personal life. One day he creates something incredible! An elixir that transforms him into a totally different man, Buddy Love. He is very successful with women, and one of his students (Stella Purdy) falls in love with him. Of course nobody knows that this charming, cool guy is in fact Julius Kelp. Everyone is very excited with Buddy, but there is a problem. The elixir’s effect doesn’t last very long…

Tom Green plays Gord Brody, a slacker who dreams of becoming an animator for cartoon shows. He is forced to move back in with his parents, but then refuses to leave. Along the way, he sexually pleasures various farm animals, licks open flesh wounds, accuses his father of molesting his brother, goes scuba diving in a toilet, plays an organ with several sausages attached to it which are suspended in midair, and does a bunch of other stuff that is too insane, offensive, disgusting, or weird to be mentioned here.

When rich M. Ballon’s spanish driver is found shot dead, Inspector Jacques Clouseau is the first official on the scene. All evidence suggests Maria Gambrelli, the maid, to be the murderer. But Clouseau, being attracted to the beautiful girl, is convinced that she is hiding something. So, he has her released from jail and tries to follow her secretly. Things do not work out the way the inspector wanted and people keep being murdered, and each time innocent Maria seems to be the killer. But with someone important wanting Clouseau and nobody else to cover this case, his tolerance-challenged boss Charles Dreyfuss is close to losing his mind when casualties keep turning up. And Clouseau keeps on causing trouble without knowing it…

Glen Canyon, Arizona, the present day. Wayne, practising at night in the desert for his upcoming fireman’s exam, witnesses the impact of a meteorite. The next day, biology teacher Dr. Ira Kane and geology teacher Harry Block from Glen Canyon Community College manage to get to the meteorite, which is stuck in the ground at the bottom of a cave. By taking a sample, they discover a slimy blue fluid coming out of the meteorite. A little later, Ira Kane finds out that myriads of single-celled life-forms dwell in the fluid, evolve at an incredible rate, even while he’s watching. What first seems like a sure ticket to Sweden for the Nobel Prize soon develops into a nightmare: By evolving and adapting at that unbelievably fast rate, the Aliens start spreading out, and the Military comes in. Now it all comes down to what Darwin so rightfully stated: Survival of the fittest. And no good idea in sight…